Can I just say…

that I cannot stand people calling / mailing / scrapping / sms-ing me to ask – “How’s your married life going?”

People who read this blog: Please refrain from asking me the above question. Ever.

No, I do not mind you asking me – “How’s life?” I will answer that. I will say whether it is good, great, bad, too much work, too little work, etc. But, I will not reply when you ask how my married life is going!

I have a problem with that on many different levels. Want me to elaborate? Okay…here goes…

  1. Does anyone ask my husband that? Is his life supposed to change too? I have never heard anyone ask him that? Why do you suppose that my life will change dramatically?
  2. Why do you assume that I will happily be changing things around in my life, to make it different from my-life-when-it-was-my-life?
  3. Yes, I’m married. Yes, things have changed. But, I’m first the person I always have been. Then, a daughter, grand-daughter and sister, a friend, a student, an employee, and a film maker. After all of that, did I become a wife. Now, when none of you people asked me about college life, work life, life as a daughter, life as a friend, or as a sister – why the sudden classification of my life now?

Okay, I’m done.



Filed under marriage, rants

13 responses to “Can I just say…

  1. seema tyagi

    You’re SOOOO right beta! This has something to do with the basic primitive Type-casting that has been the lot of women since early aryan / mohenjodaro times. Women– the pride of a family, of a society, of a tribe– to be used as barter when required, to be maligned, tortured both physically & emotionally in the name of “HONOUR”… of the tribe, for the tribe by the tribe–
    There are VERY few of us, baby.. that can RISE above the mould designed for us.
    I am really proud of what you have become– be it keeping your maiden name, to not allowing the ritual of “kanyadaan” to maintaining your identity–
    Keep it up! And pass it on to any daughters you may have..
    Love you.

    me: Love you too, Ma! 🙂 I am what I am only because you are what you are.

  2. dipali

    Hey, what a lovely post and an even lovelier mother! Lucky girl, Aanchal. Hugs.

    me: 🙂 Thanks. Hugs.

  3. Hey,

    I started to write some usual stuff and then I read Seema’s comment and now, I can say I am really happy to know you, cos I like women who think about whether they want to change their maiden name or not, whether they want kanyadaan or not and whether they want to keep the karvachauth fast or not – yes, very happy to know you 🙂

    Now I am going off to reply to your mail.


  4. oh my god1 i could have written that!

    well said!

    me: Hope you’re coming tomorrow. 🙂

  5. Hi,
    Lovely post! I love reading your blog and the main reason is that you express your thoughts/feelings so well in your posts. i almost feel as if I’m sitting beside u and listening to you!
    Keep writing…

    me: Thanks, Meghna. And, I love the way you write. 🙂

  6. its funny how you look at it… My best friend recently got married.. were college mates, flat mates, drinking buddies.. we partied together, bitched gossiped, went to parlours, got invited to places together, cooked lovely elaborate lunches on sunday.. it was a very girly time.. now shes married we don’t do any of this.. heck we dont live together… new roomates and the same rigmarole… things change not in the very Indian Bahu context.. not about name change.. lalala and all that jazz… but in terms of priority… I cannot help but wonder how married life works..

    me: I think that bit – the one about priorities – that’s for every couple to work out for themselves. Heck – why every couple – it’s for each of the two to work out for themselves. I presume you aren’t married yet – what do you think you’d choose?

  7. hey.. this is my first time here. And I realize I have been guilty too! I mean, even I have asked newly-marrieds how married life is! And I swear I wud;ve put this qstn to my male friends as well. Only none of my male friends r married 😛 Its being asked cuz there is a NEW person in ur life, so anything new – career, place, house – would mean CHANGE!

    K, so it really is annoying, huh? Now I know y one of my friends dint like the qstn. But I swear its less annoying tan another classic qstn – “When r u getting married”??

    me: LOL, Pointblank. 🙂 Yes, it mostly is THAT annoying. Mainly ‘coz most women are asked this question because people expect you to have changed things around – and grown a pair of horns too.

  8. Oh husbands get asked too !! People in the office have suddenly assumed that I have turned into the lamb who wants to run to wifey the moment the clock strikes six and that I won’t be clicking pictures of trains anymore !! The favorite question is how do I feel having lost my freedom??

    Well, I feel just fine, because I’m free as ever, and I run home at six because I want to – and I DON’T get paid extra to stay back late.

    PS – It was great meeting up today

    me: Likewise about the meeting up. 🙂 And, yes – I know husbands get asked too. But, not in the same way, I assure you!

  9. btw dear, how’s married life going?

    me: Oh, it’s going very well, Chandni! And, I especially love my new set of horns and the tail I’ve grown overnight. 😉

  10. Charu

    Aur bhi gam hain zamaney mein in sab ke alawa.
    In India everyone has strange way of asking questions…
    This one is just one of them. …
    Next please

  11. Hey there Aanchal. Like reading your blogs – you’re writings are really accessible. And comprehensive. I think you’re point about being asked how’s married life is very true: marriage really is seen as this life-defining moment that (should) bring about some sort of inexplicable change in character. It’s really a function of institutionalisation: invest something with enough ‘meaning’ (excessive and false among other things) to maintain its power.
    I’ve added you to my bloglines… keep writing.

  12. So, how’s your married life going?!

    me: How’s your married life going? And yours too, Chandni?

  13. Oh, My, God. I got asked this so often and had no idea what to say. How many lives am I supposed to have? How do I separate the married one from the other ones? hmpph.

    me: LOL! Welcome to the club! 😀

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