Do you hate that feeling as much? The feeling of wanting to write, but not being able to? Of randomly looking out of the window on the drive to office, and thinking of something that you want to write about, and then not having the time to even think about it again the whole day, let alone writing what you wanted; and then getting back home late evening and trying to think of what it was that had struck you that morning, now that you do have a little time, and finding your mind completely devoid of all ideas? I hate it. I do.

Weekends have been full of work too. And weekdays have been leaving me drained of all ideas, and zilch inclination to sit down and write some more. Most evenings are full of the kind of ennui that I detest.

Having long, tiring days at work are both, good and bad.

The bad days have me doing too many things, and not completing even one, and has my mind flitting between all the different bits of randomness. The day, then, ends with my mind still on overdrive, when I need to turn off the music in the car, or else listen to old Hindi film songs, and lean back with my eyes closed till the time I reach G’s office to pick him up. He’s been having hectic days too. His days even stretching into working from home till 2 a.m. most nights. Long days in office for him means me having to wait in the car below his office till he gets done with work. And then the drive back home, which, mostly, is just about ranting about the day.

Good days at work, of which now there are a few, have me writing – quite a bit. Thinking about each word and its meanings and context make for a fulfilling day, even with the craziness that surrounds.

And, there hasn’t been much that has happened apart from work, but friends there have been many. What better than a nice, chatty dinner with friends at home, after a crazy day at work? Having close friends that live a 5-minute walk away helps, of course. A swim would help too, but what with having a cold and cough a while ago, and then G getting a ear infection, then all the late evenings at work, and the swine flu scare – no swimming has happened for almost two weeks.

…

This post is turning into something almost morose, but it sure feels good to write.

This is a picture of the soft board above my desk in office.

Pretty – yes?

And that’s out-of-focus me in the background.

amused.

Why, you ask?

‘Coz I’ve spent the last month worrying and fretting over problems I thought I was having. Well, turns out, at least three more people have the same problems. And, that amuses me no end.

Erm…ok…that made no sense to most people…! Just stuff at work – that cannot be elaborated upon.

Oh, and yeah – back in office today.

Talked to Mom last night…about the crabbiness…and what she says is right…I’m surprised I didn’t think of it myself…
Why do I mostly expect everyone I know to be on the same wavelength as me? Why don’t I feel great about all the really nice people and things at work (and around me) and forget about the rest…and just get my job done? I’m over all the crabbiness anyway. Knew I’d get over it soon enough. Think I’ll just blame the “cultural shock”.

Had a nice time this evening.

Today’s mood: Happy…and it’s staying this way now.

Long time since I wrote. Have been trying to, but just can’t somehow. Put this new thing on my blog called “Today’s Mood“. Quite cool, I think. Today, I’m crabby. Actually, wasn’t in the morning. These days I get crabby as soon as I reach office. I keep telling myself on the rickshaw ride to work that I won’t let things get to me today, but I still end up getting all bugged. And no, it’s not really the work. (Though, I wish the film would take off quickly.) It’s more the people, and the constant sarcasm and the sexist jokes. No, the jokes don’t happen when I’m there, but they do go on all the time, and…oh, it’s SO IRRITATING!

Although (clarification needed), it’s not everyone. It’s just a couple of people. The rest are nice. Really nice.

I know I gotta do something. Just don’t know what.

In the meanwhile…for some reason, been thinking of these lines all day…

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower.
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

- William Blake

First time I’m writing a blog. Inspired by some of my friends.

This is a time of “firsts” for me it seems. First blog…my first job, my first house…it’s quite new and strange…and wonderfully exciting!

So, I started work on the 9th of May…officially. In the Moving Picture Company. Right now, I’m working on a bio-pic on Lal Bahadur Shastri. Yep…a longer (much longer!) version of the same documentary I’d worked on in October last year. In the research stage as yet. Will start shooting in a day or two hopefully.

My first house…oh, don’t ask! It’s lovely! It’s a barsati, which means that the terrace is my own, for all practical purposes. It’s a really nice one bedroom, kitchen and bathroom set. Mom, Dad and Saahil helped me do it up last Sunday. Finally got cable yesterday. Will be getting broadband in a month, and then it’ll be absolutely perfect! Not to say that it isn’t perfect as it is…it has to be…with all the cooking and CLEANING (Attn: Mom!) and decorating I’ve been doing.

Best part about having my own place is that now…after 4 years of living in other people’s houses…I can finally have friends over. Saahil was with me the last two days, Rouble spent one night, Anvita came over yesterday.

The only part I’m not-so-happy about…? That would have to be point number 4 of the rent agreement I signed last evening…the one about “I will keep no pets”. That was another thing I’d been looking forward to for when I’d have my own place. Was thinking of adopting a kitten from Frendicoes. Not a dog, though I love them more than snooty cats, coz it’d get very lonely when I’m not home. Cats are more independent that way.

Speaking of independence, that’s another thing I love about living alone. I can’t understand people (however much I may try to) who prefer living with relatives, or even with the land-lord’s family, rather than living on their own. Being reponsible for your successes and your failures. They’ll never know the happiness that I get from coming back from work, taking off my sandals, making tea for myself while filling up the cooler, and then just sitting on my bed, in front of the TV, having my chai…and loving to be by myself.

Watched The Practice and JAG last night. Wonder HOW they manage to make such GOOD shows. Wonder why we can’t. One good one on Indian television right now is Sarrkar on Zee TV. Quite impressive! But, look what happened with Jassi. But then, it still works, as do the “saas-bahu” kinds that do so well. (Besta luck, Anvita! I still find it very amusing, and I WILL still judge you!)

The pulse of an audience is a very strange thing. Getting the pulse of the audience is even stranger.