My first Karvachauth…

…and I wish I lived in easier and simpler times.

The question – or questions – in my head are many.

I don’t believe in god.

Karvachauth is a religious tradition.

But then I do believe in traditions, even if I don’t believe in god or religion.

I celebrate Diwali, Rakhi, Christmas and Id. Not for their religious meanings or reasons – but for the tradition we’ve had of celebrating them in my family.

Then why am I so confused about keeping a fast tomorrow?

Maybe because it’s the first time.

Maybe because it’s one of those traditions that I feel if I observe then people will expect me to also observe a lot of other things I that I don’t at all believe in.

But, do I believe in this one either?

Frankly, I don’t know. I do like the feeling of it. Sacrificing food for a day for the long life of the one you love. Leaving food for a day, I don’t have a problem with that. Just like my Mom, I won’t follow the fast to extreme limits either – like not even having a sip of water all day. Talked to her a little while back – and we decided we’d have everything – milk, fruits – everything except aanaaj (grain) or salt. That’s quite do-able.

That’s another reason, I think – that I’ve seen Mom keep the fast every year. And Papa too. I got a little bit of mehndi put on one hand today, ‘coz I know that’ll make my crazy mother extremely happy.

So, I will keep the fast tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the first day of my new job. And no – I am not going to get all dressed up and go to work. For me, karvachauth is a very personal thing – and I don’t need to show the world that I’m married. I don’t think that is my identity at all. My identity is me. A lot of people asked me why I didn’t wear the chooda after our marriage. That was for the same reason. Because my marriage is also a very personal thing. For me, our marriage is only a formalisation of the love that G and I share. And, partly, it was about getting our families involved too.

The reason for this post was more to make up my own mind – and writing it down just made it easier. But, like I said in the beginning, I wish I lived in easier and simpler times. Then maybe all this wouldn’t have made me think oh-so-much(!!) – for the last two weeks, no less!

Update: So, yes – yesterday was Karvachauth. I kept the fast (the convenient kind), and so did G. Then, we both waited for the moon after we got back home from work. The GPS on my phone said the moon rise time was 8:21 p.m. – but on just that day when people are waiting for it, it finally is seen not before 9:15 p.m.! Anyway, so after the whole moon-water thing, G, his dad, my brother and I went out to dinner – since neither of our maids had turned up all day, even after me giving them the whole spiel about not missing work just because you have a fast, etc. After dinner, came back home and crashed out. There! That was what the first karvachauth was like. (30\107, 3:17 p.m.)